My guardian angel, Bob the Builder, says that I’m never going to find love

So I’ve been having conversations with my guardian angels. No really, I have.  We’ve become pen pals.

In her books Doreen Virtue suggests you close your eyes and ask what your two angels are called. I did that and the name Mary and John came into my head. I tried to picture Mary and John as angelic beings, with feathers and lights and love pouring out of them, but I couldn’t. With Mary, I just pictured my mum. Unsurprisingly given that Mary is her name. And with John, I pictured a builder in a vest with a gut and builder’s bum. A bit like Bob the Builder but with stubble. I don’t even want to think about what this guy is doing in my sub-conscious… but I don’t believe he’s an angel.

No matter.

Doreen then suggests something called ‘automatic writing’ – where you write a note to your angels and they write back (well, you’re doing the writing, but apparently you’re channeling them.) She reports that some people see the angel replying in different hand writing, using words that you would not ever use. Weird.

So I tried it. I ditched John the builder and Mary (mum) and just wrote to a generic angel.

Here’s what happened (and I’m sorry that this is spaced out but I can’t work out the formatting)

Me: Dear angel, are you there?

Angel: NO

Me: Why not?

Angel: Cos you don’t want me to be

Me: Why don’t I want you to be?

Angel: You tell me

Me: Cos I think it’s all bullsh*t, fairytale stuff

Angel: Life is a fairytale

Me: Is it?

Angel: Yes

Me: What am I supposed to say now then?

Angel: You only believe when you need to believe

Me: What do you mean?

Angel: When bad things happen, then you’ll believe.

Me: So I don’t need to believe now?

Angel: No

Me: OK, bye.

Angel: We’ll see you again

Me: Do you think so?

Angel: Yes.

Me: I’m now worried that a bad thing will happen….

Angel: It’s not, not for a long time.

Me: What’s going to happen?

Angel: Nothing major, you’ll handle it – all is ok.

That was letter number one. This morning I tried letter number two.

Here it is:

Me: Come on angel, tell me something

Angel: Like what?

Me: Like what’s going to happen in my life

Angel: Life will happen

Me: What’s that?

Angel: It’s everything

Me: What kind of everything

Angel: Everything that is. Everything you have now will keep happening.

Me: Good

Angel: Good

Me: Will I find love?

Angel: No

Me: Why not?

Angel: You’re too selfish

me: Am I?

Angel: Yes, but it’s OK

Me: What else? Will I have money?

Angel: Yes

Me: Good, will I have success?

Angel: Yes.

Me: Good

Angel: Why is it good?

Me: Because it’s solid. It’s something.

Me: Will I be lonely?

Angel: No

Me: How do I make money?

Angel: Work harder

Me: OK

Angel: But you’ll enjoy it this time.

Me: OK. Do you love me?

Angel: Yes.

I don’t remotely believe that this was an angel talking, it was my sub-conscious. But still, quite a funny exercise. Try it.