I am single because I sleep in the middle of the bed

Well, my month of The Secret is almost done – and despite my protestations about the lazy ‘place your order and do nothing’ attitude, it seems to have rubbed off because I’ve hardly posted this month. I’ve been too busy pondering, pottering and, actually, (shock horror) being happy. Happiness might be the end goal but it plays havoc with one’s productivity. Oh well.

I’m going to do a couple more posts on the weird and wonderful world according to Rhonda Byrne before moving on to the new challenge next week (details to follow) but first I have funny news.

Yesterday I got a phone call from one of my editors. She asked me if I wanted to write an article about… Kale! My mission is to eat and drink nothing but the green leafy vegetable for a week. The day after putting up a picture of green juice on my Vision Board, I’m getting paid to drink green juice! Isn’t that just perfect?! Dear Universe, was that an early birthday present? A sign that I should stop taking poking fun out of you and your Law of Attraction?

Maybe. But for now I have to poke a little bit more fun because today’s post is about The Secret’s approach to romance and relationships, which seems to focus on rearranging your house.

As you may have picked up by now I am not blessed in the relationship department. I have spent most of my 36 years in a state of singledom. Quite normal when you’re ten, less normal when you’re coming up to forty.

Depending on the day and depending on my mood, I have different explanations as to why my relationships never last more than a few months and occur less often than the Olympics. Here they are, as I see them today:

1)    For years I didn’t think I was good enough to deserve anyone decent – I thought I was too fat, too ginger, too boring, too whatever. This has lessened as I’ve got older but those insecurities are still there, deep down.

2)    I find it hard to trust and open up to people, especially men. Obviously this is a fear of rejection, fear of vulnerability, fear of getting hurt etc. Even with friends I won’t ever lay myself open to being hurt. My guard is always up. (Which makes it all the more surprising that I seem to be spilling my guts out in this blog).

3)    I’m not sure if I really want to be with someone. Apart from the hell of being single at weddings, I really like my own company. I happily sit in the cinema, book flights and go for long walks on my own. Friends comment on how independent I am but I don’t know how to be any other way.

But now I realise there is a forth and fifth reason for my singleness:

4) I sleep in the middle of the bed

5) My clothes fill my entire wardrobe.

The Secret quotes a woman who, like me, was always single. ‘She had done all the right things: She got clear about what she wanted him to be like, made a detailed list of his qualities, and visualised him in her life,’ writes Rhonda. But despite all this there was no sign of her dream man.

Then said woman comes home and realises – duh! – the reason she was single is because her car was parked in the middle of the garage.

‘She realised her actions were contradicting what she wanted. If her car was in the middle of the garage there was no room for her perfect partner’s car!’ According to Rhonda Byrne her actions were powerfully saying to the Universe that she did not believe she was going to receive what she had asked for.

So with this in mind, Single Susan (I’ve made that name up), not only moved her car, she cleared space in her wardrobe for her perfect partner’s clothes and stopped sleeping in the middle of bed, choosing instead to sleep on one side leaving room for, you guess it… Perfect Partner.

She then, of course, met the man of her dreams and they lived happily ever after.

As ever I am being flippant – but on some level it does make sense.

So with that in mind I’m going to write a wish list to the Universe for what I’d like from a partner…


Kind, clever, funny, smiley, tall, down to earth, ambitious, successful, happy, interested (in people, in me, in the world), relaxed (i.e. not a stress head like me), close to his family and friends, brown hair, blue eyes, energetic, motivated, good sense of right and wrong, likes to travel, likes to read, knows stuff, smells nice, financially secure, fit, empathetic, non-judgemental, generous, gives to charity/volunteers, wears great jeans and navy blue cashmere jumpers. (I really have a thing about men in navy cashmere jumpers). And of course, the best quality of all – he gets and loves me and makes me feel beautiful.

In my last post I wrote about a girl I met a couple of weekends ago who had written a similar list about what she’d like in a partner. It was a crazy long list down to the kind of clothes he’d wear and the kind of friends he’d have. She wrote it, put it away and only found it when she moved house – when she moved in with Dream Man. He had ever quality on the list bar one – he didn’t know how to dive. So I have high hopes.

I also did this:

2014-03-24 16.09.09

And I am trying to do this:

2014-03-24 16.09.57

(Not sleep with my clothes on in the middle of the day, but sleep on one side of the bed, obvs…)

Still I don’t really think Mr Right is going to materialise just yet. Deep down I don’t yet think I deserve it and as long as I think that it won’t happen. According to Rhonda: ‘When you feel bad about yourself, you are blocking all love and all the good that the Universe has for you.’

My friend always quotes the time I got chatted up at a bar by a guy who probably ticked all of my dream list. He was tall, dark hair, blue eyes, he was smiley and an architect. He was also wearing a navy jumper! I don’t know if it was cashmere though…

Anyway, what did I do when Mr Possibly Perfect asked if I’d like a drink? I panicked and said ‘No thanks’. All I could think was that I looked rubbish that night (greasy hair, no make up etc) and that he couldn’t seriously have been interested in someone like me. He walked away and I told my friend that he was drunk and obviously trying it on with anyone. She told me, quite rightly, that I was an idiot.

I’m really trying to improve on that and I do think much more highly of myself than I used to but there’s still work to do.

Also, and perhaps more to the point, I think the next few months are about testing myself, facing up to things about myself and getting to know myself so I’m not quite ready to bring someone else in yet. God, that sounds very me, me, me  but as Rhonda says: ‘Your job is you. Unless you fill yourself up first, you have nothing to give anybody.’

So once I’ve filled myself up with crazy, embarrassing self-help experiences, all men in navy blue jumpers beware… I’m coming to get you.
[easyazon_link asin=”1847370292″ locale=”UK” new_window=”default” nofollow=”default” tag=”hemebl08-21″]The Secret[/easyazon_link]


33 Responses

  1. Louize says:

    Fantastic news! Can’t wait to read it! Funny was just thinking I hadn’t heard from you for a while only this morning! Spooky

    • Marianne Power says:

      Thank you Louize, it’s funny how that works, isn’t it?

      • Karen Bird says:

        At last. Congratulations and more well deserved.
        So all that blood sweat and tears have paid off.
        I’m very pleased for you, it’s made my day hearing from you.
        I will be moving next week into the unknown with a new puppy
        and thanks to you I’ve taken the chance of a new chapter in my life
        Continue the good work.

        • Marianne Power says:

          Thank you, Karen. Where are you moving to? Tell me more – good luck with everything. Be brave. New chapters are scary but good. Keep in touch. xx

  2. Francesco Cervellera says:

    Congratulation 🙂

  3. Niki Longmuir says:

    I’m thrilled for you, that’s utterly wonderful…! Well done, xxxxx

  4. Susan Sims says:

    I’m so thrilled for you!! Dancing ’round the room on your behalf xxx

    • Marianne Power says:

      Thank you Susan! Dancing down under… I love it. Thank you for being such a great cheerleader throughout all of it – it meant such a lot. xx

  5. Helen says:

    Congratulations. Such great news. You’re an inspiration – you believed in something and kept doggedly on even when times weren’t so easy. Well done. I’ve loved reading your posts – they’ve been insightful and entertaining. Can’t wait to hear what the next bit of new is.

    • Marianne Power says:

      Thank you Helen – it felt very dogged!!! But worth it now, thank god. How are you? Thanks for the lovely words – I’ll be blogging more regularly from now on.

  6. Maria says:

    Well done Marianne, I have followed you from the beginning.

    So great to hear of your success. I wish you all the best, you deserve it.


  7. Claire says:

    This is awesome news Marianne!! You’ve cheered up my day 100% xxx

  8. Rebecca Coleman says:

    I’m sure we decided about 3 years ago at one of Claire’s parties who would play you in the film but now I can’t remember who we settled on!

  9. YAAAAAYYY!!! As I said on FB, it’s brilliant news and so well deserved. I can’t wait to read it!! xxxx

  10. Sue Faldo says:

    So very pleased for you I know what a traumatic few years it’s been for you! At last a light at the end of the tunnel and not just a light a huge bright shining starlight. You deserve it and may you now go from strength to strength. Well done!
    SueX ( Sarah’s mum)

  11. Linda says:

    Fantastic news, Im so pleased for you .YYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Oh. My. God! You did it Marianne! So MASSIVELY MASSIVELY happy for you, proud for you and doing whoop whoops around the room here. I can’t wait to see who plays you in the film xxxx

    • Marianne Power says:

      Thank you Amanda – we got there in the end!!! Lovely to hear from you. I’ve been doing a lot of whooping too. I hope you are well. xxx

  13. una says:

    Fantastic, reminding of this quote I saw recently
    “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” — Thomas Edison
    You never gave up. Congrats.

    • Marianne Power says:

      Oh Una I love this quote. Thank you. I didn’t give up, it’s true. It was never even an option – even when things were hard. Lovely to hear from you. I hope you are well.

  14. Ali says:

    Congratulations! Can’t wait to read it all again 😊 and look forward to hearing your other news ….. xxx

  15. paul says:

    Marianne (or Bette Midler as you still are in my phone contacts – remember……??? !!)

    Just saw your message and so, so pleased for you………..lots to say and ask and from here I’ll contact Rebecca and see if we cant get together. Have thought of you often and this is just great news

    Much Love



  16. Rosie Gray says:

    Congratulations Marianne. So delighted to hear it all came right in the end. Get ready now for fame and maybe a little bit of fortune. xxx

Leave a Reply

Subscribe to my blog

Sign up for sporadic updates from self-help land and life in general, including details on upcoming talks and events. Promise not to bombard you.