How holding your arms out can show you what you’re meant to be doing in life – more conclusions from F**K It week Italy


In yesterday’s post I faffed for about 1500 words trying to sum up the F**K It week. Then one of my new F**K It friends put up a comment on Facebook that summed it all up perfectly in a couple of paragraphs. Here is is. Thanks Charlotte von Roij for letting me share it:

Some time ago a friend of mine and me discovered the philosophy behind YOLO, you only live once. This probably makes you think about 16 year old girls who get drunk (’cause YOLO). But when you think of it, it’s true of course… You only get one life. But do you ever stop and think about what you really want out of life? I find that most of us just keep going and going. We push ourselves to work harder, make more money, buy bigger cars. It’s just never enough. Picture your life 10, 20, 30 years from now. What do you want to look back on? Are you really doing something that you like? Do you ever really relax? Or do you find yourself worrying about the most random things?

But what if you would start to let go, if you would just go with the flow, trust that life will give you what you need (not to be confused with what you want!, listen to yourself and open up. You will probably find that you will become more relaxed. A lot of us spend a lifetime looking for the “treasure”, a way to happiness. But the truth is… It’s already there, the only person standing between you and that treasure is yourself. So say f*ck it to the what ifs! Say f*ck it to perfection, f*ck it to failing, f*ck it to what other people might think of you, to the job you don’t like, to bad hair days, the expensive shoes you want to buy, say f*ck it to whatever it is that is keeping you from that treasure… It doesn’t matter so much. Enjoy more!

So this week I am saying f*ck it to having dinner by myself, to asking someone to apply sunscreen on my back (oh the struggles) and f*ck to the fact that it might be raining on Wednesday… Cause it really doesn’t matter so much

Ps: life is short, so you might just want to buy the shoes.

It’s good isn’t it? It really, really makes me want to buy the shoes and the top and the… well, anything. Charlotte is currently doing a solo road trip around Italy, which is pretty F**King cool.

I was also telling friends last night about a couple of other exercises we did which they thought were interesting – so here you go:


On the second day we did a few exercises which were supposed to show how our thoughts affect our energy levels. One of them involved holding out your arm and saying something you really liked. So, in my case I held out my arm and said ‘I like pasta, I like pasta, I like pasta…’.  While telling the world how much I loved pasta my partner had to try to push my arm down with all their strength while I tried to keep it up. My partner, Gorgeous Glaswegian Lynda, couldn’t budge me. Conclusion: ‘Aye, you really like pasta.’

Then we had to hold your arm out and tell a lie. I held mine out and said ‘I like mushrooms, I like mushrooms, I like mushrooms.’ (I really don’t. When I was younger I was at a friend’s house and was given a mushroom vol au font and had to spit it out in front of everyone which was really embarrassing. Oh the trauma… no wonder I’m an emotional wreck.) Anyway, while lying I could fight Lynda for a bit but soon she had my arms down. Her conclusion: ‘I think you could change your mind about mushrooms but they’re not pasta.’

Ha. Never a truer word said…

The idea is that when we’re saying the truth in life – in a broad sense, being true to ourselves – we are strong. When we’re pretending to be something we’re not, like things we don’t – we become weaker. Literally, physically weaker. I guess you could do this exercise and say ‘I love my job/boyfriend/life’ and see what happens?


Another exercise involved being led to a random place in the room by your partner, who then had to try to move one of your legs off the ground while you were standing. When Lynda led me to me to the crappy spot at the back of the room facing a wall, she was able to pick up my leg easily, even though I was trying very hard to keep it on the ground.

Then we moved to a spot we wanted to be in. I picked a place in front of the big glass doors facing the garden. I stood still. I looked out the window and felt relaxed. The view was beautiful. Even though I was not remotely trying, Lynda could not budge me from the ground. I felt like my feet were super-glued to the ground and being pulled down with roots. I know all this stuff sounds nuts but it was a very strange feeling. I was totally relaxed and not even trying but nobody could budge me.

Conclusion: if you’re in the right place doing the right thing, you have amazing strength. If you’re somewhere you don’t want to be, somewhere that someone else has chosen for you (a job, a relationship etc) then you lose your strength. This will make you sick and tired and weak. Alas, this is what most of us do for large chunks of our lives.

[easyazon_link asin=”1781802963″ locale=”UK” new_window=”default” nofollow=”default” tag=”hemebl08-21″]F**k It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way[/easyazon_link]


Leave a Reply

Subscribe to my newsletter

Sign up for sporadic updates from self-help land and life in general, including details on upcoming talks and events. Promise not to bombard you.