This morning I told the delivery guy that I liked his jeans, I told the guy in my local newsagents that I liked his shirt and I told the hipster serving me coffee that I liked his beard. The delivery man looked utterly confused and a bit scared. My newsagent beamed and told me his wife had got it for him and the hipster looked equally satisfied. ‘I’ve had it since my school days,’ he said. ‘It’s a Greek thing.’
I had a picture of a skinny 12-year-old in Athens with a full-on beard. Maybe he meant university? And what is it with me and Greek men?
Anyway – I’ve given three compliments to three men and it’s not even lunchtime yet.
Let the games commence.
Matthew Hussey’s says the first step to getting your guy is to…
TALK TO THE GUY – TALK TO ANY GUY
Hussey says that most of us leave our love lives to fate and that this is a mistake: ‘We’ve all been led to believe that someday it will just ‘happen’, that one day fate will drop the person of our dreams right next to us while we’re standing at a red light.’
So we spend our lives focussing on every other areas – our friends, our family, our careers… then the years pass and one day we wake up and realise that we’re 37 (er, for example) and Mr Perfect hasn’t dropped in our laps. We panic. We realise we have no idea how to meet guys. The pressure is on and we freeze.
We become so obsessed with meeting THE guy we meet NO guys.
SO what to do?
Hussey says that to meet more men you need to, er, meet more men. Literally as many of them as you can. That doesn’t mean that you need to go out on dates with all of them, or even fancy them – ‘it’s about joining the human race. It’s about practicing conversation and flirting,’ writes Hussey. ‘Every interaction with another human being is a possible gateway to some new world or experience,’ writes Hussey.
It’s a numbers game.
Hussey reckons that if you were in a party of 100 men (woohoo, some party) there would probably about 20 out of that 100 with whom you’d have some chemistry. From there there might be 10 that you would like enough to go on a date with, and then maybe 5 of those who would warrant a second date – and of those, you are doing well, if you like one enough to see again.
He asks – how many new guys do you meet in an average week? If it’s only one (or zero) how long is it going to take for your to find someone you like? A LONG TIME.
SO OUR CHALLENGE FOR THIS WEEK IS:
TALK TO EVERYBODY (men and women). ‘Make a habit of talking to everyone who serves you: waiting staff, baristas, salespeople, doormen, the delivery man… Aim to get their names, find out where they live and ask one simple fact about them,’ says Hussey, who also suggests moving on to tell them what a nice smile they have. Yikes. Cringe. He says that talking to staff is good if you’re shy because they’re basically paid to be nice to you – so you’re not going to get rejected. Cool.
LEARN PEOPLE’S NAMES – whether it’s the guy on security in your office or the woman selling tickets at the station, make it your mission to get one new name a day. Dale Carnegie’s book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence people’ says that everybody loves the sound of their own name, so if you get used to getting people’s names and using them, you’ll making huge steps on the charm stakes. And you’re less likely to free when i comes to asking a guy you like for name.
TALK TO ANYONE READING A BOOK – Ask them if they’re enjoying it or if they’d recommend it.
TALK TO ANYONE WITH A GADGET – Men love talking about their gadgets, according to Hussey.
TALK TO THE PERSON BEHIND YOU IN ANY QUEUE – I gave the coffee shop example in my first post – the cringe-y one about asking where he stands on the flat white versus cappuccino debate. Dear God.
COMPLIMENT THREE PEOPLE A DAY – comment on something they’re wearing wearing, or their smile or eyes. It can be a man or a woman – the idea is just to interact.
PROVIDE A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS A DAY – hold a door open, buy someone a coffee, help an old person cross the street.
He says that all these small interactions help to build our confidence in meeting new people, which has a huge knock on effect on both our attitude and likelihood of meeting the right guy (or girl for that matter – I’d have thought all these rules work for either sex).
So come on, off we go.
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